Build A Better Us – Pursuing the Extraordinary, Marriage Conference

I must admit, when I learned of the Build a Better Us(BABU) marriage conference I was in a funk. It was one of those days or weeks where I was SUPER cranky. I flat out told my husband that if he cared about our marriage he would register us.  I had full intention of letting him take care of it but then the part of me that has a hard time relinquishing control kept forwarding him reminders of the event, then little messages telling him how great the conference would be for us and then I just flat out asked him if he registered us….so much for leaving it in his hands huh? I’m laughing at myself now.

I am writing this so you all have a proper understanding of just how trans-formative this conference was (without giving away any spoilers….I know, I know….good luck with that right?)


The conference was amazing. I had an idea of what it might be like but it was nothing like I expected. Not in the slightest. In fact, I wondered where it was going at first but then the pieces started coming together and it left me incredibly encouraged.  Have you ever experienced something and then it takes you a while to realize the impact it has had on your life? Well, this was my experience. My husband(Ramon) and I discussed and reflected on our time but there was something inside of me that was itching to get out. I had to write my testimony. You see, I have shared my story many times but this time was so different. After I wrote it I asked my husband to proof it and get his thoughts. What I found so wonderful was his incredible support in me pouring out my mess for the world to see all while he was included in that mess. That is another blog entry though. This one is about Build a Better Us.

Build A Better Us focused on the transformation power of the gospel and it truly changed me. This conference revealed a part of me and my past that I had not put together. It helped me to reflect and in that reflection I have seen healing beyond what I have experienced in the past.

This is no secret, because BJ Thompson presses this point often on Twitter….

I am a mess.
Yet deeply loved by God.

I want you to let that sink it.

If that is the only thing you learn from the Build a Better Us Conference, then that is enough. For that alone can not only transform you individually, but it can transform marriages and all kinds of relationships. Let go of expectations and allow yourself to experience a conference unlike you have ever experienced before. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Unpack the baggage and peel back the layers that may have been holding you in some form of bondage.  I am thankful that my husband registered us for this conference and I’m beyond thrilled that I have been able to share this message outside the context of marriage, but also in unique unexpected relationships that beg to ask the question “How do we build a better us?” Agh! I’m screaming with joy!



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When I came up with the title of this blog I did not notice my nick name in it (Cess), or how in this current season of life I would be re-assessing how I do…life. I truly was blind to it and…

Source: RE-A-CESS

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When we say we want to be mothers do we see what all that entails? Did you look past the glamorous pregnancy, beautiful baby and sweet children? I know I didn’t.  LOL! I always knew I wanted …

Source: Motherhood

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The Home Water Birth of Ezra Jeremiah

Where do I start….

Each of my childrens births have been special in their own right. However this one was special because we finally have roots. We have been a family on the move ever since Ramon and I said “I do”. Constantly moving nearly every year. Well, with the help and prayers of many friends and relatives, we purchased our first home in Oct. Because of this I was determined to have our baby at home.

If you read our previous blog entries you will see the history of how the Lord has been in every aspect of our fertility. Every single child we have has been a “surprise” and every child has been knit and woven in my womb by the Lord above, even when the doctors said it would never happen. There is no denying what the Lord has done in my family and I will always give credit where credit is due.

Now, on to the birth of Ezra.

On Sunday February 7th, Ramon and I went on our traditional celebratory final date before our family becomes bigger. We almost didn’t go because my pubic bone hurt so bad. I was very uncomfortable and I just knew Ezra’s head was just sitting on it. But, I was very much determined to have this date so I “grinned and beared” it. The next day I remember telling Ramon that I felt like “Toot-toot” was coming soon. The entire day was fine. It wasn’t until around 6pm that I began having contractions that I thought initially where Braxton Hicks. They were consistent and very short. Coming every 10min lasting about 15sec. They were uncomfortable, but BH have been uncomfortable this entire pregnancy so it didn’t really alarm me. Ramon rolled in at 7:15pm and at this point I handed over parenting responsibilites because I felt like I needed to take a bath to see if these contractions would stop. Well….they didn’t. I tried everything. Drinking more water, I had been moving around cooking and dancing with the kids earier and even sitting. Contractions kept coming. every 10-15min lasting 15-23 sec.

At this point I really thought I was dealing with prodromal labor(which is something that had been a total pain in my previous pregnancies) but I wasn’t sure. Around 10:30 I called and then sent a text to my midwife, Molly, letting her know that I was going to eat and go to sleep and that Ramon was turning up the heat on the water heater just in case something progressed. Contractions were about 5-7min apart but had not really increased in intensity.

I slept for a while but I did notice every single contraction. Around 3:30 Molly gave me a call to get an update. I let her know that my back ached and that contractions where not lasting more than 30-40 sec. Molly talked me through some relaxation techniques to get through the contractions and she also added that I should lift my belly and tuck during contractions. Alright, I took her advice and that is what I did all while trying to get some more rest. Molly offered to come but I didn’t think it was quite time yet.

At 6am I called Molly and let her know she could go ahead and come now. Contractions really had not gotten longer but they had increased in intensity a bit. I was still confused by that because they had remained around 40 sec forever. Shortly after I got off the phone she sent me a text reminding me to eat something if I had not already within the hour.

Molly and Linh(her apprentice, who has a heart of gold by the way) arrived at our home around 8:15am Tues February 9th.
Vivica a young lady that is part of my street team through Mercy Street arrived about an hour before them.
Side Note: Vivica is 16 yrs old and she aspires to be an OBGYN some day. I invited her to my birth so that she could experience a different side to birth. Actually she asked in excitement if she could come. Of course I could not say no.

So anyways, back to the story. I had my play list going which included artist such as India Arie, Gateway Worship, Maxwell, Musiq, Chrisette Michelle, Jesus Culture, Kari Jobe and more. The play list was one of the best parts of my labor experience. I pretty much sang the entire time and sweet Linh even asked if she could sing with me. So there were moments when both of us where immersed in worship of our Savior. Oh I just get goosebumps just thinking about it. All this time I am just singing and sitting on the birth ball.

Now, are ya’ll ready to cry? Here goes….At some point I was sitting on the ball and I had an intense contraction (btw, Molly taught me when I was pregnant with Sarai how to relax every part of my body during a contraction and I swear that is a contributing factor in why I was so relaxed and “in control”) and my son comes up to me and says “Mommy are you not feeling very well?”. I respond with “I’m fine honey, its just painful but I’m OK” (He looks me straight in the eyes in all seriousness and says….)”Mommy, you can do it.”(Then he proceeds to kiss and hug my belly)
Our sweet Emmanuel has a very compassionate heart. He always has. He senses when something isn’t quite right. In this moment, he saw my need and met me there. I thank God for my #1.

So all this time they are setting up the birth pool and just getting everything ready. I have a contraction as I come out of the bathroom and Molly bends over so that I can use her back to “go limp” on. As the contraction ends and I stand upright, my water breaks. This was at 10:07am. There is a little meconium in my waters but nothing to bring alarm. The pool is ready but I’m not ready to get in. One, I was waiting on Desiree (my friend and photographer) to get there before I got in the pool and two, I didn’t feel it was time. I wanted to get to the point where I new some serious end of labor work was about to be done before I got in. Jeanne showed up around 11am and she was an incredible asset to this birth. I am very thankful she was able to make it. Every work Molly said about her was true.

I proceeded to get in the pool around noon. At this point I was certain it was time. My focus changed, I was not singing anymore and I had a “all about the business” look and demeanor. I started off on my knees facing the pool and leaning over the side. This is how I have started both of my previous births. It gave me something to hang on to and rest my head and even drift off if I needed to. Did I mention all along Lihn in lightly rubbing my arms through each and every contraction? That was a long time. She started when I was on the birth ball and it felt soooooo good. It truly brought some form of relief. At some point Molly suggests that I turn around and sit down or get in a squat of some sort. She knew that I wanted to catch my baby so she knew that I needed to be in a better position to do it. Also, remember when I told you about the “lift and tuck” technique Molly had me do? Well, this technique helped relieve the pain in my back and allowed Toot-toot to get in the proper position. You see, because of my abdominal seperation and position Toot-toot was likely aimed toward my tailbone. With the “lift and tuck” technique it help aim him downward through those contractions. So, her telling me to turn around while I was in the tub was also a way to keep Too-toot in proper postion. She is a GENIUS!

At this point I am beginning to feel the urge to push. With each contraction I just worked with it. These contractions again where still very short compared to what I was use to. Short and they weren’t right on top of each other. So all in all, the labor was relatively easy in comparison. I had time to relax and keep my mind right. There where moments when I would look up at the birth bord and reflect on some of the passages that people shared with me and some of the birth affirmations that kept me going where “I can do this”, “Trust my body, Trust birth”, “Not pain, progress”, I would repeat these over and over again as things got more intense.

Molly asked me to reach inside with a finger and see if I could feel the top of my babies head. I did! It was awesome and the first time I have ever done that. My baby was close, one finger length from the grand exit. I had one, maybe two contractions and I felt again and had pushed him down to just a finger tip from the exit. WHOA! When I think about it, I had some very productive pushes. In the next couple of pushes he was at full crown(entire head out) and one more push and I caught my baby. Did you read that? I, ME, CESSILYE caught my baby.

Toot-toot came out and needed a little assistance breathing. Just a little. Molly gave him mouth to mouth just to help him take that deep breath. Now dont freak! I didn’t. I knew he was totally fine. Not a bone in me worried about his health and well being. He was just taking those shallow breaths and needed a little to take the larger breath that he needed to bring his oxygen levels up. To ease your minds. He scored a 7 on the apgar test at 2min. By 5min he was a 9. The highest score is 10.
Look it up 😉

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So, This is the birth of Ezra Jeremiah Smith. My entire family is thrilled. Ramon has been a rock for our family and sweet Emmanuel and Sarai are just in love with their little brother. Ezra is sweet, chill, and loves to be in the comfort and protection of his mama’s arms….Oh and he is an incredible nurser. The latch is on point. 😉

Ezra – Help or Helper
Jeremiah – YAHWEH has uplifted, Raised up or appointed by God
Born – February 9, 2016
Time – 1:11pm
Weight – 8lb 14 oz
Length – 21.25in

Home birth midwife – Molly Germash with Hearts Desire Midwifery

Photography by Desiree Chapman

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The Birth of Sarai Renee’

Where do I begin. There is so much to say. Honestly I should have typed this up months ago because I’ve lost some details.

Once again God decided to knock our socks off and allow us to get pregnant. We were completely blindsided. Excited to say the least but very shocked. I don’t know why, considering what God did with us regarding Emmanuel, currently at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if I had the five children I always wanted. 🙂 Ok, on to baby girls story.

Let’s see, Sarai better known as “Jelly Bean” in utero, was one tough baby to carry. Unlike Emmanuel, who was a breeze, Sarai was OFF.THA.CHAIN. I suffered nearly the entire pregnancy with pelvic instability, diastasis recti(abdominal separation) and pubic symphysis diastasis Oh Lawd, it was a mess.I was seeing a physical therapist and my chiropractor a few times a week until I gained some strength. I was in cronic pain virtually my entire pregnancy and it took a toll on me emotionally. I was a complete wreck.

I prefaced Sarai’s birth story with the struggles while in utero so that you may see and truly embrace what God had in store for her birth and beyond. Are you ready? Brace yourself because this is amazing.

Sarai was due to arrive July 19th. I was nervous she would arrive three weeks late like Emmanuel. Friday the 19th I began having contractions. I thought that she might very well come on her birthday. The problem is that the contractions never increased with intensity. If they did at one point increase they would stop after taking a warm bath. I went through this for roughly four days. On Sunday I met with my midwife Molly Germash with Hearts Desire Midwifery and she gave me some “contract ease”, at least I think that is what it was called. It was some homeopathic medicine to help my contractions to steady or stop. She said if it did not work that I needed to go and see my chiropractor. I went to see Chandra Crisp(the worlds best chiropractor btw) with New Beginnings Chiropractic. She worked on me for about three hrs. I mean, adjustment, break, adjustment, walk, adjustment, walk outside bear foot and feel the grass between my toes,adjustment, lunch. ect. My contractions seemed to have slowed down….until I got half way home. 🙂

This is where it all gets going. On my way home(around 4pm July 22nd) I started timing contractions and they were getting closer together. About 8-10min apart(I think, it’s kind of a blur). When I got home I took a warm bath to see if they would stop and low and behold they did….NOT. Ha! I went for a walk like Chandra suggested. All evening they increased but they did not seem strong enough to get moving. From 11-1 I took a nap(I have no idea how I was able to sleep). I contacted Molly to let her know that I was doing well but was having a hard time relaxing completely. She said “why don’t you come on out so that we can help you with that”. I wasn’t ready, I was determined to labor mostly at home. For some reason I just did not feel like I was close.

(If you read my previous posts you can understand why I never thought I was even close to being in active labor).

Not too long after I got off the phone with Molly did I have an UNBELIEVABLE contraction that was so deep and intense that I knew at that moment I was in labor and that it was time to go NOW! Up until then I believe I was in denial that I was in actual labor.

We got to the birth center in Pester, TX(45-1hr) around 2:30am (I think). The ride wasn’t bad but the intensity continued to increase and it was not fun. Ramon was incredible at keeping me calm during the drive to BFE….ha! Anyways, Molly was outside ready for us as we pulled up. From that moment all I felt was love and support and the mood was perfect. I labored for a short while, took a nap until the contractions were too tough to bear laying down. I sat on the birth ball and my water broke. Yep! Fluid everywhere. Immediately after, we got in the birth pool. At some point I actually fell asleep. I remember Molly digging her nails into my hands(there goes my Major Pain moment). I remember not being able to control my pushing. I had to go with my contractions. All I could think is that I didn’t want to tear like I did with Emmanuel but I could not slow down. Just as Molly was grabbing her gloves, Sarah leaned back to check me and to her surprise I had already birthed her head. I didn’t say anything. Sarah directs me to get into a squat if I want to catch her and so I did and I pushed my girl out into my hands. Below is how quickly things went.
6:20-water broke
6:45-full crown
6:49-Sarai was born into my hands

This experience was incredible. The pregnancy was torture the labor was fast and the healing began the moment she swam into my arms.

I tell my clients all the time when they are suffering from some pregnancy related issue…
“the cure is having a baby”…I testify to that. My life will never be the same. Through so much pain came an indescribable joy.

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The Arrival of Emmanuel Josiah

So, after weeks of waiting on my baby to arrive I was finally at my breaking point. On May 11, I laid down and spoke with Peanut and God to please come soon. I just couldn’t see myself going another three weeks.

Sure enough, at 6:15am I got out of bed to go to the restroom and there goes my water…right down my legs. I was pretty surprised because only 12% of women actually have their water break before labor. It was a moment of complete relief and joy because I knew then that I was going to see my peanut sooner rather than later. I did not have to wait another 1-3 weeks! The look on Ramons face was priceless. You could tell he was excited. It was a refining moment for our family. We are now two on the verge of becoming three. I sent my midwife Laura Cochran  and her assistant Amy Berrelli a text letting them know what was going on. Laura was calm cool and collective. I just continued to keep her updated.

I did not immediately go into labor. In fact I was feeling cramps but I didn’t recognize them as labor pains until 11:45am when they got more intense. At that point Ramon began timing them. They fluctuated between 4-22 minutes apart for 25hrs averaging at times between 4-10minutes apart. During this time Ramon and I labored on our own. In fact it was really amazing. I baked chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies and had the most amazing cheese steak w/cheese wiz for dinner and we went to bed. The contractions at this point were strong enough that I could not sleep throughout the night. I slept in between contractions and while a contraction was in effect I would moan or vocalize to get through them. I constantly kept Laura updated and she would continue to encourage me and tell me to be sure to sleep because I was going to need it later. She also wanted me to call her when I needed her presence.  Well, I felt pretty darn good on my own. With Ramons help it was painful but manageable so I just kept on laboring. It wasn’t until 5ish am that things started getting a bit more intense and Laura suggest Ramon fill up the tub. I tell ya, when I got in the tub the pain decreased by 50%. It was amazing!!!!!!

Amy arrived first then Laura shortly after around 8ish that morning on May 13. Around 10:30am Laura checked me and then told me that she would like to give me on some herbal remedies to try to speed along the process, she asked me if I would like some benedryl too so that I can get a few hours of sleep. Of course I said yes to that. I ended up getting about 2 1/2 hrs of sleep and boy did I need it. About an hour later she checked me again and at this point she gave me two options. #1 to continue laboring like I was which I could do however it was unproductive or #2 enjoy a delicious peanut butter, chocolate and castor oil milk shake 🙂 Oh joy…No seriously…That shake was DELICIOUS! Obviously, you know what option I chose. As I sipped on my castor oil shake Ramon and I went on a walk around the neighborhood. Did that shake work or what because soon enough I was having contractions every 10-15 steps! We only walked around the block and we went back into the house. At this point I was on fire and I felt like I needed to go poo really really bad…but I couldn’t. That’s when Laura told me that its my baby descending and that’s how it will make me feel. I hopped in the shower to cool off and deal with the pain.

(Did I mention that during the 25hrs of early labor I hadn’t dialated past a 2. In fact I was barely a two and boy am I glad Laura never told me.)

Ramon wanted me to rest seeing as that I was wiped out. The moment I had a contraction I hopped up and said “Get me in the pool now!” I literally could not stand another contraction outside of water.

I got into the pool around 2:30 and this is when my “active labor” began. I labored for 6 intense hours. I remember at some point asking Amy and Laura when it was going to be over. I remember Laura saying “Cessilye, now this is labor”. Those 25hrs prior to this moment was a breeze compared to the real deal. Ya wanna know my secret to getting my mind off that pain….lol. I just had a Major Pain flashback. Ok, seriously. I stopped vocalizing and began internalizing all of my pain directly to my uterus. I remember the first time I did this I was in the bathroom with Ramon and I envisioned my uterus pushing my baby out, Ramon catching Peanut and then handing me our baby. It brought such a huge smile to my face and I was able to cope with the contractions much better after that. I also, spoke to my uterus. I know it sounds weird but towards the end of labor you just simply want your baby!!!! So, I would mentally tell my uterus to give me my baby. I was yelling in my mind.

The wonderful thing about my labor is that I didn’t have any distractions. I did not have anyone directing me. I had my husband who continued to encourage me when he felt I needed to hear it and rub my back with olive oil. I can remember like it was yesterday my husband telling me “You’re a G”. I had Amy Berrelli who would look at me genuinely and tell me how wonderful I am doing and Laura Cochran who would offer guidance whenever I needed it. I had a birth mix cd my husband hooked up for me that had various artist on it such as Kari Jobe, Lauren Hill, Chrisette Michelle, Maxwell and Tre Nelson and many others. I had silence, peacefulness and most of all I had Jesus.

There were just a few times where my mind would wonder if I could compete this task but those moments were literally seconds. I knew that God created my body to do what it was designed to do and that was carry and bear a child. I could do this.

I knew something was up because when I would briefly open my eyes I would see Laura and Amy doing things. Putting gloves on, Amy would have a flashlight aimed and the GRAND EXIT and I remember hearing Laura whisper to Amy and Ramon to switch places so that Ramon could catch the baby.

There came a point where my back was killing me. Laura suggested I get on my hands and knees. I leaned over the pool and thus began the pushing phase. I did not have anyone tell me to push. My body just knew what to do. With each contraction I found myself pushing with it. It wasn’t intentional I just had to. After a while Laura said, “Cessilye reach down and feel your progress”. I reached down and felt the top of my baby’s head. It was amazing. Here I am doing the very thing that I have witnessed in a multitude of home birth videos. “Thats my baby, I said.” I knew then that the end was literally around the corner. Lets get this done is what was going on in my mind. The funny thing is prior to her telling me to feel by baby, I had no idea just how far along I was.

I kept at it and soon enough my babies head was out. Another contraction went by however it didn’t seem as strong. Laura asked me “Cessilye are you going to push your baby out during the next contraction?” I said, “Im gonna try”. It came the most important contraction of them all, the one to bring by baby’s entire body into this world. It was HARD!! Laura told me I had to push harder than I was and I did. I pushed well beyond the contraction and finally gave birth to Emmanuel Josiah Smith at 8:37pm May 13, 2011.

My husband Ramon and Laura caught Emmanuel and Ramon handed me our son.  The first tears of this entire event were tears at the arrival of our son. As we held our son Ramon prayed over our family. It was the most special moment that our family of three will ever experience. One that I would experience all over again in a heart beat and not change a single thing.

Emmanuel =The Lord is with us

Josiah=The Lord Heals (Read blog entitled “Making a Baby”)

8:37 – the time Emmanuel was born

8=New Beginnings



So as we begin this new journey, I now know that my family of three is now complete. All thanks to Jesus Christ our Lord and our Savior.


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Making a Baby

So this is not about the act of making a baby 😉 This is about God’s plan in the development of our child.

I always knew that I wanted children so in all seriousness I had no problem getting started with this process the moment Ramon and I got married. We were married August 25, 2007. I was on birth control for health reasons and we prayed about me getting off of it. We didn’t feel it was necessarily right plus we wanted to have children and we knew that my body would have to adjust to being off the meds in order for that to happen. Coming off of the contraceptive would mean that I “risked” having major health issues. Well, we took a leap of faith and came off of it in February of 2008. My body had no reaction! Praise the Lord.

For two years Ramon and I didn’t necessary “try” to conceive but we did not prevent. We wanted to put our children in the Lords hands….Well…easier said than done. All along Ramon is pretty calm and patient and is trusting our Father that it will happen while I on the other hand is wondering whats wrong with me.

September of 09 -After conversations with my OBGYN they set up an appointment for me to have some die pushed into my fallopian tubes(for lack of the original term). Boy was that painful. The result was that one of my tubes was completely blocked and no egg was able to be released through that tube due to polycystic ovarian syndrome(PCOS). So, as devastating as that was at the moment they reassured me that I only need one fallopian tube in order to have a baby. So, I’m good. However they did refer me to an infertility doc…oh joy!

So at this point we decide to wait it out. This process was emotionally heart wrenching. This was the most difficult time for me. Everything bothered me. If I saw or heard of a pregnant teen or someone unwed getting pregnant I would lose it. Because Ramon and I waited for each other prior to getting married I had this false sence that I’d done everything right. By no means was I perfect but Ramon and I had made a commitment to one another and we wanted to start our relationship off right. As hard as it was we obeyed the Lord in saving ourselves until out wedding day.
I wondered why. I have always wanted to be a mother. Heck, I want five children but I’ll take just one. why, Why, WHy, WHY!?!?!? was the question I had for God.

January 2010 Ramon and I visited a church in our community. It was early January because he was off of work and hadn’t seen any of the Fortress kids in a while. As we are walking in and finding a place to sit a little boy comes up behind us that he recognizes from Fortress. He was only about five. After asking him a few questions we come to the understanding that he is there all alone. He just strolled into church. Ramon left with him to see if his mom knew where he was. they returned and we were sitting there like a cute little family with the little boy between us. After about 10 minutes three more youth show up. So, Ramon scoots on down. Praise and worship is in full effect and two more children show up. At this point we have six children sitting between us. Some we know and some we don’t. I’m in tears. No…Im bawling. I considered this scene that was happening before my eyes a huge revelation. I wasnt crying the oh woe is me tears. I was crying because I saw our future. If this wasnt a sign of what God has planned for us then I don’t know what it was. All I know is that He taught me something that day.

In February of 2010 Ramon and I decided to see the infertility doc. We both had to go through a series of tests. Ummm it sucked.One of the tests was a sonogram. I was so nervous at this point because so much had already gone wrong.
I lived in Fort Worth while my doc was in Frisco. I was on my way and the verse Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans of good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.
I had in my mind that God wants to grant us the desires of my heart…so …why isn’t it happening? It took a 45 min drive for my eyes to be opened to Gods will for my life. He had been waiting on me to surrender my will to Him. He had been waiting on ME to desire HIS will for my life. At that moment I knew that although my desire for children where valid as a woman, God wanted me to truly seek, honor and trust Him with my LIFE. He wanted me to get to a point of COMPLETE TRUST. Because of this I had to come to grips with what He may allow me to go through even with the results of the sono.
I had to put the worst scenario in my mind in order to fully cope with this.

This is my scenario. In my mind the worst thing they could say is that I would have cancer. Sitting there in my car I came to the understanding that if that was so then God has a plan not only for me but for many others. I felt an overwhelming peace over me that simply gave me all the confidence I needed to walk into that doctors office and say “bring it”. And that’s exactly what I did.

My sono turned out clear and I was told I was healthy however, do to the results of Ramons test and with the combination of my having PCOS which caused me not to ovulate and having only one functioning tube our only option was to go through in vitro fertilization. He offered no other option to us and made it clear that this was the only way we would ever conceive. As the doctor looked at us expecting us to hop on board with this new-found news Ramon and I held hands and knew that it was not an option for us. We decided to truly let God have this. We were done with the doctor visits and tests. We also knew that doctor did not have the final say in our life or the life of our child. We walked out of that office with confidence that the Lord had given us our answer…not yet.

Not yet? What does that really mean? It means that despite what the doc. said He our Savior has the final word and if we are meant to have children then it will come whether from my own womb or from another. I have never felt more comfortable with the answer “not yet” before in my life.

Did I share that in two years I had only had four cycles total? Every year in January and September. That’s due to not ovulating.

Well, in April of 2010 I had one and I had one for every month after that until July. I do not think I was EVER more excited to have a period. I would text Ramon and some of my close girlfriends every month it would happen. The Lord answered my prayer. I had been praying that the Lord would just restore my body to its natural order.

During this time Ramon and I were researching adoption. It was already something we wanted to do and something we still desire so we looked into the “foster to adopt” program. The organization that we went through eventually didnt settle well with us so we decided to research other avenues.

So, August comes around and…nothing….I dont worry about it because after the last four months of things going well I considered it another skipped month. It wasnt until I started craving pinto beans and cheese and my girls swelling that other people started wondering hmmm are you pregnant? I denied it up and down. I have had every symptom of pregnancy known to man so this did not raise a flag for me. Plus, I said that I was not going to take another test unless I knew. The more people raised questions and the longer it went by without me starting a period the more curious I became.

I woke up early September 14 (the day before my birthday) and took a test. It came out positive. I didn’t believe it…no seriously, I really didn’t believe it. I went to the store and bought a digital test. Took two and they where both positive. I called my friend Michelle to see where I could go to get a blood test. I finally just calmed down and I knew that I was pregnant. OMG!

I woke up Ramon and took him to a park that my dad use to take me to as a child. We laid out a blanket and began to talk about our future…our life…what God is doing with us. At this time keep in mind that Ramon had been laid off and I had not been working. We still chose to trust God in where we were. At that point I asked Ramon if He believed God has a plan for us and that His timing is perfect. His response of course was Yes. Well, and then I lay the tests on his chest. It was such a sweet moment. We knew that God had been working it all out and that despite us being unemployed and living with my parents, He had something big around the corner.

This child is a blessing, a gift that we are giving right back to our Savior. A child that doesn’t really belong to us to begin with. A child on loan to teach, train, rear in the knowledge of Christ. The baby is just part of our story. One chapter in our life. We have many more to tell. Until then…

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!

Ramon, Cessilye and Peanut 

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